Friday, January 25, 2013

Babe, Put Down The M-16 And Make Me A Sammich!



In March of last year, Sahib and I announced the formation of our new political movement....White Heterosexual American Males Only, better known as WHAMO.  You can read the founding document of WHAMO here.  You may be wondering why you haven't heard much about WHAMO since then, and I am here today to tell you why.

Given that an organization such as WHAMO engenders incoherence, rage, and hissy fits in many liberals, Sahib and I decided that WHAMO's first order of business was the development of an elite security and counter-insurgency force.  For the last ten months, we have been in the planning and development phases of this project.  Now that SecDef Panetta has approved women in combat, the time has come to announce to the world the special-operations arm of WHAMO security.

This ultra-elite commando unit's official title is Security-Housecleaning-Erotica-Armaments-and Libations,......but they will be better know as.......the SHEALs.

I have authorized the SACSTW offical photographer to release some early training images from the first group of SHEALs to make it through the grueling program......






As you can see, the training regimen of the SHEALs is arduous and harsh, but the troops are holding up very well to this point.  Sahib and I have direct operational control over all SHEAL units, and have tasked the group with a specific set of duties....
  • Provide security at all events attended by significant numbers of WHAMO members.  Includes but not limited to.....Super Bowl parties, poker tournaments, and fishing trips..  
  • Provide executive protection services for the WHAMO command structure, particularly if WHAMO personnel are to be within 5 miles of any of the following people
    • Debbie Wasserman-Schulz
    • Barney Frank
    • Nancy Pelosi
    • Emanuel Cleaver
  • SHEALs will be expected to maintain their own garrison, and the quarters of WHAMO officers, in a professional and tidy condition.  Quarters are subject to inspection by WHAMO officers at any time.
  • SHEALs will at all times be garbed in one of the several WHAMO approved ensembles, examples of these may be seen above.
  • SHEALs will be in charge of maintaining and protecting the WHAMO Armory, and will conduct live-fire exercises as their leaders see fit.
  • SHEALs will be prepared at all times to provide themselves and the WHAMO command structure with emergency rations as needed for survival.  Such rations are to consist primarily of mixed drinks and sandwiches. 
It is anticipated that additional duties appropriate for SHEAL teams will be identified in the coming months.  Although SHEAL Teams 1 and 2 are near operational readiness, Sahib and I's work is never done.  We will soon embark on a nation-wide recruiting mission, seeking out only the best of the best to wear the uniform of the SHEALs.  Look for the official SHEAL recruiting poster at a car show, Hooters, or beach volleyball tournament near you!





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